Last night I watched “Leap Year,” a rom-com where Anna Brady (played by Amy Adams) travels to Dublin to ask her boyfriend to marry her on Leap Day, February 29th. From the moment she lands, everything goes wrong—bad weather, a cancelled flight, a group of lads running off with her suitcase, and missing her train. She ends up paying Declan (Matthew Goode) to help her get to Dublin by the 29th.

The Allure of Rom-Coms:

As the story unfolds, you can see Declan, although still angry from a past relationship, warming to Anna and starting to fall for her. There's that moment when he wakes up on a bench, sees the coach leaving, and thinks she’s gone. He stands there, and you can feel his yearning for a love he thought he'd missed. But then there she is behind him with a coffee and her suitcase, and he smiles and the love shines through.

I was completely absorbed in the film, living every moment, experiencing the highs and lows, wanting so much of what they have—that connection, that chance meeting.

At the end of the film, Anna realises she doesn’t want the man she travelled across Ireland to find and that she loves Declan.

I’ve watched this movie so many times, feeling excited and uplifted, going through a rollercoaster of emotions. From Anna’s disappointment when her boyfriend hasn’t proposed, to her determination to ask him to marry her, to the frustration of trying to reach him, and the annoyance with Declan—the handsome Irish man who points out all her flaws but is with her every step of the way.

The Emotional Let down:

But then reality hits. Why do I do this to myself when after the film, I sit there and realise that I am single? Although in my heart I really want what she had, is it ever really going to happen to me? I’m not that sexy American actress who just has to smile to attract men. I’m not going to travel across Ireland with a handsome Irish man only to realise at the end that I want to marry him.

And then there are all the complications the film glosses over—she's just moved into an apartment and probably signed a lease for months that will still have to be paid, and then she gives up her whole life to move to Ireland with no job. Plus, there’s probably an angry ex—would he really let her go that easily?

Rom-coms show you the romance, all the glitter, and none of the slime, and that’s what we fall in love with. We want life to be that easy. We want to fall in love without having to work at it and live happily ever after.

Personal Experience:

I then started thinking back to when I first became single. My obsession then was “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.” I would escape into the film only to feel absolutely devastated and distraught at the end, crying for the whole evening. But why?

“Post-romantic movie depression” is a concept that hasn’t had much research done on it, but it’s something common among single women. After watching these films, we can feel a sense of emptiness, setting unrealistic expectations for love and making real-life dating seem out of reach as we compare ourselves to the gorgeous woman or handsome man on screen.

Personally, I get excited about watching a rom-com—it’s like a date night. I immerse myself in the romance and fantasy, but then at the end, I sit there and think, "Is this it? Is this how my Saturday nights are going to be from now on?" I go to bed and think, "Wow, I am one sad single woman getting my 'fix' from movies." I look in the mirror and see an imperfect woman who will never be swept off her feet. I can’t imagine a stranger chasing me down the street to tell me I look amazing and asking to take me out for dinner.

And when I write it all down, I can see how ridiculous that sounds. These are all the stuff of Disney fairy tales like Cinderella and Tangled. These films are the adult version of Snow White or The Little Mermaid that makes all young girls want their happily ever after.

How to Cope with Post-Rom-Com Blues:

• Acknowledge the Feelings:

  • Acknowledge and accept your feelings after watching a rom-com. It’s okay to feel sad or disappointed, but it’s important to recognise that these films are fictional and not reflective of real life.

• Focus on Self-Love and Real Connections:

  • Cultivate self-love and seek real, meaningful connections in everyday life. This might involve spending time with friends, engaging in activities that make you happy, or pursuing personal goals that bring you fulfilment outside of a romantic relationship.

    

Conclusion:

I’m not saying don’t watch these movies. Watch them, feel those emotions, but recognise you can also feel that intense feeling of love if you look for it in other ways. The man who bought you a drink might not be the handsome Irish man or the knight in shining armour, but he can certainly feel like that when he makes you feel protected and happy.

If you realise that your Saturday nights are solo date nights, then change it—invite your friends round, watch the movie together, and then have a good laugh after as you recall all your fantasies of true love. You’re never going to find a man if you spend your life sitting on the sofa on your own. Look at how you can change what you do—find a new hobby, go for a walk, borrow someone’s dog, or if you can’t get out, video call someone.

I’m not denying that I still feel sad when I come down from a rom-com, but it doesn’t last long. My life is filled with so many happy moments, and I’m grateful for everything I have. I focus on what I have rather than what I don’t. And when my knight in shining armour does come along, I might even make him watch "Leap Year" and see how different it feels with my real-life man snuggled up next to me, I'll make him take off his armour first though or it won't be very comfy 😂.